Jat, man, fuckin' emotional.

Photo

Fri, 20 Jul 2012 21:22:48 -0400

You look so fine I want to break your heart and give you...

Fri, 13 Jul 2012 17:09:43 -0400

You look so fine

I want to break your heart and give you mine

You’re taking me over

It’s so insane

You’ve got me tethered and chained

I hear your name

And I’m falling over

She felt like she was walking for hours, walking in circles....

Sat, 19 May 2012 14:02:43 -0400

She felt like she was walking for hours, walking in circles. Everywhere she went looked the exact same as the last place she had been, and so far she hadn’t found another person. Cat heard a strange noise behind her, one she hadn’t heard in a while. Footsteps. She spun around to face the noise, her paranoia peaking to a high point. It felt as if the wind was knocked out of her as she saw the silhouette of someone who she only dreamt about seeing again. “.. Jace.” The name fell from her mouth quietly and quickly, as if she had said it a million and one times. Her lips were parted slightly as she tried to remember to breath in, a tendril of hair falling down over her cheek. She gulped and without another thought she ran towards him, determined to not let him vanish before her eyes. She stopped suddenly as she reached him, looking at Jace with an unreadable expression in her eyes. One, two, three, blink. Three slow heartbeats and a blink of her eyes was all it took her to decide what her next action would be, and that’s all it ever did take. Her arms wrapped around his neck at the same time as her body pressed against his as she hugged him as hard as she could, and she finally remembered to breath out. She burrowed her face into the crook of his neck, breathing in the scent of him. She hoped with every fiber of her being that this was real, that he was real. But she didn’t want to wonder if it was fake or real, not right now. So instead she just chose to stay as still as possible, fitting in his arms as if she was built to be there, like a puzzle piece which was finally found. It was relaxing, standing like that, in his arms. It made her feel safer than she ever had before. It felt too good to be true, he felt too good to be true. Cat knew he couldn’t be real, it shouldn’t be possible for anybody or anything to make her feel that.. secure. Which is why, when she blinked her eyes and found herself in her bedroom, she didn’t curse under her breath like usual when dreams turned out to be just dreams. She smiled a tiny bit, just enough for it to count as a smile. She smiled because she knew that eventually, even if it took an eternity, it wouldn’t be a dream. It would be real.

i’m having conflicting emotions, thought you should know ~~~~~

Sat, 12 May 2012 14:42:41 -0400

i’m having conflicting emotions, thought you should know

~~~~~

”..Are.”

Sat, 12 May 2012 14:30:00 -0400

”..Are.”

Photo

Sat, 12 May 2012 14:27:00 -0400

I heard her soft, sweet words stinging through my ears, so I...

Sat, 12 May 2012 14:13:38 -0400

I heard her soft, sweet words stinging through my ears, so I waited.

I waited until I could wrap myself in her melody again, I waited so I could be together with her again, to cradle her, to hold her tight.

I’m waiting, Catalina.

we like abandoned this account wtf neigh

Sat, 12 May 2012 14:10:07 -0400

we like abandoned this account

wtf neigh

“Hi, sweetie”, was the first thing he heard as he...

Tue, 17 Apr 2012 21:22:00 -0400

“Hi, sweetie”, was the first thing he heard as he pressed TALK on his phone, and the voice surprised him.

“Cat? W-why are you phoning me?” His voice was hushed, as he was whispering to her through the phone, afraid that someone would hear. The rest of his band was asleep, and if they caught him on the phone with Catalina once more they’d never stop bugging him about her.

“Well, I just couldn’t stand being away from you for sooo long.” Just by the sound of her voice he could tell she was pouting, great.

“It’ll only be another week or so, I’ll be back before you know it.” He wasn’t sure who exactly he was trying to convince with that line, but it was probably more him than her.

“Yeah yeah, I’ve only heard that line a million times.” She whined lightly as he scoffed in response, and then stopped breathing for a second, as if a brilliant idea just landed in her head.

“Uh.. Cat? What is it?”

“Since you’re so far away, and I’m so, so lonesome..” Her voice trailed off, leaving the sentence unfinished, but Jace could tell what she was getting at just by the tone of her voice. He knew her well enough by now to know what she was going to suggest.

“… Yeah?”

“Phone sex. We haven’t tried it yet, and I’d just love to cross it off my to-do list with you.”

“Ph-phone sex?” His voice was louder than before and he winced slightly, upset by how surprised he was even though he knew she was going to say it.

“Of course. Now.. hurry up and go hide in the bathroom somewhere. Unless you’d like one of your friends to find you masturbating and talking to me at 3AM, that is.”

It’s odd, because there were two people there that day....

Sun, 15 Apr 2012 06:18:12 -0400

It’s odd, because there were two people there that day. One, the girl I had always wanted, but no matter what length I had reached, I could never have. Two, The boy I had wrapped all my love around, who gave me a sense of warmth with the simplest look in his eyes. Out of both of those people, that heartache and love that I felt,

I chose you, Catalina. I saved you, when I could have kept him.

It’s gotta mean something, right?

“Come on then, Cat, show me what you...

Sat, 14 Apr 2012 14:27:00 -0400

“Come on then, Cat, show me what you got.”

“Jace, s-stop! Godric’s upstairs, he could wake up any second now and hear us.”

“Then I guess we better keep reeeal quiet, huh.”

——

Cat woke up with a jump, her heart beating rapidly as she frantically looked around her room for any possible onlookers. After a few minutes, she settled back down in her bed, sighing lightly. “It was just a dream, that’s it. Just.. a dream”, she whispered to herself in a attempt to calm her mind. She knew that to fall back asleep, she needed to rid her mind of the images of her and Jace kissing. But.. what if she didn’t want to get rid of them? She turned on her side and cuddled up against her pillow, closing her eyes lightly and trying to get back to sleep. Looks like it was going to be another long night.

—— “Like what you see,...

Fri, 13 Apr 2012 13:18:36 -0400

——

“Like what you see, Jace?”

“Don’t be a tease, Catalina, it isn’t fair.”

“I’m not being a tease, you just won’t come get what you want.”

“So march your ass over here, and show me how much you’re not being a tease.”

“*giggles* Yes, sir.”

——

"I fell in love the way you fall asleep: slowly, then all at once."

Sun, 08 Apr 2012 21:22:34 -0400

““I fell in love the way you fall asleep: slowly, then all at once.””

- THE FAULT IN OUR STARS, JOHN GREEN. (via thebookthieves)

"I wanted so badly to lie down next to her on the couch, to wrap my arms around her and sleep. Not..."

Sun, 08 Apr 2012 21:15:46 -0400

““I wanted so badly to lie down next to her on the couch, to wrap my arms around her and sleep. Not fuck, like in those movies. Not even have sex. Just sleep together, in the most innocent sense of the phrase. But I lacked the courage and she had a boyfriend and I was gawky and she was gorgeous and I was hopelessly boring and she was endlessly fascinating. So I walked back to my room and collapsed on the bottom bunk, thinking that if people were rain, I was drizzle and she was a hurricane.””

- LOOKING FOR ALASKA, JOHN GREEN. (via thebookthieves)

I sat for hours on that damned couch, thinking about him. Only...

Sun, 08 Apr 2012 20:30:00 -0400

I sat for hours on that damned couch, thinking about him. Only about him. I thought, and I thought, and then I thought some more. I thought about how much fun he was to have around, and I thought about how lonely it was without him. I thought about every single conversation we ever had, from when I first saw him playing guitar and singing on the side of the road down to when I called him to tell him about me and Godric. I loved that moment. No.. not the final one, the first one. I knew from the first time I ever spoke to him, that it wouldn’t be the last time I saw his face. I knew that if I got my way, which usually I did, I would talk to him again. I knew from that first conversation that we’d be good friends, but.. I never knew that I would fall for him. I never imagined myself falling in love with Jace Mayer, at least I didn’t think I would at first. It wasn’t one of those silly little “love at first sight” moments. My feelings for him grew over time. It started off with a warm feeling in the back of my throat, like I had just drank something warm but there was a chance it could still end badly. Then the feeling slowly made its way throughout the rest of my body, down to the end of my toes and the tips of my fingertips, to the end of each strand of hair on my head and throughout every part of me. The feeling wrapped around my heart like a pretty little bow, and went through my bloodstream like a deadly poison. Although.. it didn’t reach my mind as quickly, in fact it didn’t reach my mind until the very end. Life was good with Jace Mayer in it, life felt fulfilled. I knew, somewhere in my soul, that if I suddenly died it would all be okay, as long as I knew him. But then again, I never really did know him very well, did I? As I sat on that bloody couch, I went over all the things I didn’t know about Jace Mayer. I didn’t really know his life before I met him, or where he came from, or if he was the least bit human. I never knew if he had any actual family, or who he liked, or who he cared about. I never knew who his first kiss was, nor did I know what he liked to eat, or what his favorite color was. I never knew what he did first thing when he woke up in the mornings, or why he insisted on listening to the static coming from the radio. I never knew that he had even began to like anyone, and I never knew who it was that he asked out. I didn’t know a lot about him, and slowly enough the things I didn’t know about him began to outweigh the things I did know about him. It worried me, realizing that the person I thought I knew everything about was really the person I knew the least about. Jace Mayer wasn’t exactly an open book, although he could be.. if he wanted to be. He could be mysterious and obvious all at once, but always interesting. He wasn’t predictable, but never completely unforeseeable. And maybe.. just maybe, that’s why the feeling reached my mind. That warm, soft feeling that was always flowing through me, whether I was thinking of him or not. That feeling that kept me safe and secure when I was away from him. That feeling that I could never fully describe. It was like when a word is on the tip of your tongue, but you never remember what the word is. Well, the word was there for so long that I forgot I should even be trying to figure out what it was anymore. I learned to forget about the nagging thoughts in the back of my head that wanted to know what the word was, that sometimes needed to know the word. I learned to let it go, and just be. I never truly figured out what that word was, not until it was too late. I learned what that word was, on a completely ordinary day, that wasn’t ordinary at all. I learned what the word was after I had told him that I was to be wed, and after my world came crashing down around me. I was supposed to be happy, to be ecstatic, to be without second thoughts. I was.. I was supposed to be utterly and entirely happy. But yet, I wasn’t. I had phoned him to share the news, the apparently good news, and that was one of my biggest mistakes. I shouldn’t have phoned him, I should have marched my ass over to his house, sat him down on his own floor, and carefully explained to him what happened and why I did it. At least then, he couldn’t of ran away as easily. Of course, I didn’t do that. I took the cowardly way out without even fully realizing I was taking it, and told him over the phone that I was never going to be his, that I gave up on the thought of “us”. I didn’t use those exact words, no, instead I told him that my boyfriend proposed to me. I told him that I was engaged, or at least that’s all I meant to tell him. Instead it turned into the truth, the terribly bitter truth, that there would be no us. I never wanted him to ever think that, I never wanted him to realize what was happening outside the world of “us”. I learned that day, that things don’t always go my way, and the most important thing in my life was going to turn sour. I learned that day, that I made a huge mistake saying ‘yes’ to my boyfriend so quickly. I learned that day, that there is no do-over button on life, no matter how much you want there to be. I learned a lot of things that day, actually, but only one thing really mattered. I learned what the word was, that day. The word that was nagging at me in the back of my head since I first saw him. The word that was on the very tip of my tongue. The word that was huddled in the darkest corner of my mind and refused to show itself. The word that would turn my entire life upside down, but not really, because deep down I had known all along what that goddamn word was. Love. The word was love. I, Catalina Rosemary Moores, was in love with Jace Mayer. The feeling had finally reached my mind, but it rushed there like a terrible brain freeze. Unfortunately, that terrible brain freeze decided to only hurt my mind, and freeze over my heart instead. I did a lot, that day. I said yes to something too quickly, I got engaged to someone I didn’t particularly want to get engaged to, I felt like the happiest girl in the world, and then like the loneliest. I felt so damn lucky, but then so damn broken. Christ, I could never begin to imagine what he must have felt like, not even if I tried my hardest.

I sat for hours on that fucking couch, thinking about him. Only about him. All about him. I thought about what we were, what we could have been, and what we never were. I thought about the feelings we embraced and the feelings we denied. I thought about the right and wrong choices we made. I thought about all the chances we had to say that one word that mattered more than anything. I thought about a lot of things, that day, on that couch. But the only thing I couldn’t think about, was how to get over him.

It was him.

Fri, 06 Apr 2012 18:20:18 -0400

It was him.

“Why are you always eating when we hang...

Fri, 06 Apr 2012 14:41:00 -0400

“Why are you always eating when we hang out?”

“Excuse me?”

“You always tend to eat when we hang out.”

“Well, maybe you just bore me into trying to drown myself in food.”

——

“And yet, six years later, she still does it.”

“…. Does what? What am I doing?”

“Trying to drown in your food.”

“Oh… yeah. Well, you’ve driven me to madness, what else is a girl to do?”

sigh she’s lucky i love her grumble rumble

Fri, 06 Apr 2012 13:41:32 -0400

sigh she’s lucky i love her grumble rumble

… Seph is being a huge asshole at this point. THIS ISN’T FUN, SEPH. DO YOU REALIZE HOW...

Fri, 06 Apr 2012 13:37:56 -0400

… Seph is being a huge asshole at this point. THIS ISN’T FUN, SEPH. DO YOU REALIZE HOW MUCH IT HURTS TO MAKE CAT TELL JACE SHE’S ENGAGED NOW?

“Then I left, the end.” I was sick of all these...

Thu, 05 Apr 2012 14:41:34 -0400

“Then I left, the end.” I was sick of all these questions, all these sulking stares. What did it matter to him if I left? Why should he even care? He was happy with Evan now, happier than he could ever be with me.

(x)